I don't know what to believe in any more.. it seems the more I try to hold and wait for everything to get better.. it keeps getting worst. He left for china for 6 days.. and haven't called back. I probably understood why he didn't call back.. he was worried that I might be unstable and do something stupid.. it'll be hard to bare because he's so far away.
I finally understood why he wouldn't let me in his store.. he always told me that he cared about my feelings too much and wanted to protect me from feeling the worst I could feel. I went in on Sunday and experience my breath being taken away as pain shattered through every inch of my body. It was so painful that the air around me was hard to get inside my lungs. There was no amount of tears that could tell you how bad it made me feel. I have to see that thing running around.. and hearing it call my danny.. It made me hate it 10x more.. I wish so bad that it could disappear. Joey said he saw the pain on my face.. how unbearable it was getting. So why can't he get rid of it?.. if he cared about me so much. why isn't he calling me from china to see if I was dead or not? I'm sure he would call about that thing.. he just had to know about it. There's no way he didn't contact them. I hate being on the outside. What's the point of being his girlfriend if I don't know anything?
I'm not even living as he is gone.. I feel dead inside.. as i go through every day and night.. I lost everything important to me..
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